some things i haven't been ready to say until now

1. We should have been together from the start.

2. I'm no longer hurt by her birdie photos and her incessant mouthings of the l-word

3. After seeing her again, I've realized she isn't hurt either.

4. For a time I thought I needed what has since left me, but now I know I am going to be okay, because:

i) like every spring we rekindle only this time permanence feels seemingly plausible

ii) i said we were bad for eachother but what i really meant is i'm bad for you too

iii) i said i was bad for you too but what i really meant was that we aren't bad for eachother, and i feel that influence is fueled by a wanting and needing and its not your fault i'm wanting and needing what you have access to, nor is it mine you are wanting and needing what i have access to. i am afraid when we feel this way we are letting the stigma we have tried so hard to discard seep back into our pores and are forgetting the experience we paid for. We are responsible for ourselves and we are far from denial

iv) i've really taken to heart a lot of the hurtful things she said and forgotten all the things she asked me to remember (see: "i thought you had more kindness in your heart")

v) She told me she needs resolution or she can't see his eyes and i compared it to something i felt last summer when one was talking about being dropped so rapidly she forgot she was doing much dropping herself.

vi) i really, really don't believe She is capable of a lie

vii) when i am with Her, it becomes seemingly obvious She is embodied truth

viii) when She reiterated, you are such a good person, i believed Her

ix) Her's is a struggle i'm willing to share

5) she is a complete and utter hypocrite. I hope she finds a mirror soon.

6) Years of lettered talk doesn't always end up in beauty

7) It isn't possible for someone to know too much about you, unless you've accidentally fallen under their spell.

8) When I say "you", I no longer mean You. Please understand I can't write to You anymore like I'd once said, and this will be the last time You will feel Yourself here.

9) I'm surprised I've mourned this long, but also that its over.

9) My father is proud of me.

10) I know what I am doing, and I hope it hurts.