two hundred, today

and when i'm asked of when it was

that i have ever felt so calm

i'll say when time is frozen

lain awakened by the dawn.

pushed down through distant slumbers

a voice i speak out loud

a silent speck spanned through orange rooms

back when i'd snore a crowd.

When she laid across the masses

eyes on the ceiling too

i was half awake and half asleep

but her words they made it through:

you are speaking in coherence;

are you searching for a song?

are you asking me a question?

am i where i should belong?

i've been thinking a lot about arteries

plaque'd barricade with no air

i've been thinking a lot about bodies

cracked open; merely bare

i've been bending my fingers backwards

knuckled bones entrapped with skin

i've been hearing the call of the catbird

blinded screams of mistaken hymn

i've been swimming a lot in beaming

eyes widened in the snow

i've been hoping a lot for a teaming

of a quite, distant mellow

2/5

she told me while we walked

behind them along the stoned roads

next to the stoned faces

among the cafes selling such

stones

right after he said she's different with me

a side only birthed when our hair's entangled

once every year or so

(now)

and tangle it does; our strands are so similar

she starts with words

stretches in sentences

hand written usually in a park

on a bench

with a book

and a pen

she said it is tremendously cliched, tedious

she just thinks she has to

so she does it anyway

then she asked me

unpublished but aware of my pining

not to be shiny or gloried but

to be heard

or at least, perhaps more accurately,

to have the strength to want to speak

silently

implanted with colour and thickness

or simple words we've all written

i've no desire to move my lips

let alone hear sound come out

id' much rather have a simmer

stewing in my own marinade

nozzled at my bitten nails

an accurate portrayal of my mind's own missive

sounding the way soda cuts

when you crack it open and

chug it down

swimming

i can morph into

what it is you thought i was

or what you always wished i could be

tweaked into that doe eyed wanderer

stooged into thinking there is a permanent

warm red womb

what wrapped me

felt like a new i could keep forever

like every new we're clouded by

its intoxicating nature

like drunk plans in the evening

we're all just chasing that buzz

and most of the time we can't keep up

wake up in the light in a bed

at least

just not too sure what got you there

we could hold again like that

or we could

disappear and meet

underwater in the deep-end

this time

you wouldn't know this about me but

i am a really great swimmer

i will hold your head above water

and compress your chest if need be

i'll keep the O's moving

and we'll all hope for minor swelling

perpetually dreaming i am

pushing to be what i am not

the difference between us i think

is this

you think you already are what you wish

to be

and i know that

i am not

just yet

i can hope and wish for it

but really it seems to happen on its own

and i read something she said recently

weighted me in all its simplistic sopping glory

there's no need to focus

that when it comes for whatever reason (its good)

and to be thankful

and thats all you need to thrive

i don't need a god and

often i am prided i don't

but when i hear words combined only how

i wish i could

and her eyes behind

the sound that spilled them

i sure am glad that she's speaking them

and that i have her to

assure me

134 days ago

Sat and waited
Wrote about nerves to distract
My brain
Thought of the face
I was about to see
The feeling I was gonna feel
As a result of
It
I knew the way his face moved
Before id seen it and
Admired it years before
I'm sure he knew I existed
I could never have guessed
The fight I was in for
Nor the volume of hurt
Drip from my face
Visible to everyone who'd
Look at it
I could never have guessed
The fight that was in me and
How madly I could love
Something
I could never have guessed
Just how it would become
And how long I can wake
Up to the same body
Tossing when
I am void of it
"arriving in cobourg."
Hands sweat and heart pounds
I feel sick but and ugly
But I wouldn't ever trade
That feeling for anything
A blue Mercedes
Sits and waits
"you're right," he said
"you do avoid the eyes,"
A foot apart always and
A kiss on my back
The comfort only came
Four and one half years
to the date
Here i sit in this same box-seat
Only he's beside me
Or in the one over
It's busy this week
I guess

I, curmudgeon

Pleased to meet you

Imperious eyes forced through miles
My mind's feeble but strong enough
To see them when they're vacant
Pushed to corners of your
Prided beard
Pieces of my own scattered
Like an interment in the cross-signs

One/one-one/one-won

Tilted;
Or the horizontal story
I dreamt days ago about a birth again
Forgot we actually had one coming
Baby boy born on a day of ones
Again with that
Name I could own
Funny to think about a lifetime
Knowing someone
You haven't yet met

I keep thinking of her and
How when she drifts
Shes awoken by a living dream
Smiling, I'm sure
If she has the strength
Like the burst of a purr in the slumbered cat
On my pillow
I know when I see her
I'll be awed like I always am
Something about the
Creation gets me staring
They should all be crowned
I
Drip
In
Yours
I don't known if i could ever look
At one of my own
Without a wail of
Sweet happy

Can't sleep and she's here
Now
I thought I missed my window
The purred breath halted
But i hear her eyes on me and
The sounds he makes while he is dreaming

Watching the tree
Is not a way to keep your eyes dry
But slowly I realize where I'm coming
From
And why he can cry so easy
Sometimes this big mess is
Just So pretty
And so unbearably sad
It's a miracle i can forget
Stop reeling in
Pretty
Or sad
And actually manage
to leave my pile
In the morning

On most days, anyway.

Hi, scout.

EXCERPTS OF TRUISMS (1978-1983)

"A SINGLE EVENT CAN HAVE INFINITELY MANY INTERPRETATIONS
A STRONG SENSE OF DUTY IMPRISONS YOU
ALL THINGS ARE DELICATELY INTERCONNECTED

AMBITION IS JUST AS DANGEROUS AS COMPLACENCY

AMBIVALENCE CAN RUIN YOUR LIFE

AN ELITE IS INEVITABLE

ANGER OR HATE CAN BE A USEFUL MOTIVATING FORCE

BEING JUDGMENTAL IS A SIGN OF LIFE

BEING SURE OF YOURSELF MEANS YOU'RE A FOOL


CALM IS MORE CONDUCTIVE TO CREATIVITY THAN IS ANXIETY
CATEGORIZING FEAR IS CALMING
CONFUSING YOURSELF IS A WAY TO STAY HONEST
DISGUST IS THE APPROPRIATE RESPONSE TO MOST SITUATIONS
DISORGANIZATION IS A KIND OF ANESTHESIA

DRAMA OFTEN OBSCURES THE REAL ISSUES

DREAMING WHILE AWAKE IS A FRIGHTENING CONTRADICTION

ELABORATION IS A FORM OF POLLUTION


ENJOY YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING ANYWAY


EVERY ACHIEVEMENT REQUIRES A SACRIFICE
EVERYONE'S WORK IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT
EVERYTHING THAT'S INTERESTING IS NEW
EXPIRING FOR LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL BUT STUPID

EXPRESSING ANGER IS NECESSARY

EXTREME SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS LEADS TO PERVERSION

FAITHFULNESS IS A SOCIAL NOT A BIOLOGICAL LAW
FAKE OR REAL INDIFFERENCE IS A POWERFUL PERSONAL WEAPON


GO ALL OUT IN ROMANCE AND LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY
GOING WITH THE FLOW IS SOOTHING BUT RISKY
GOOD DEEDS EVENTUALLY ARE REWARDED
GOVERNMENT IS A BURDEN ON THE PEOPLE


IDEALS ARE REPLACED BY CONVENTIONAL GOALS AT A CERTAIN AGE
IF YOU HAVE MANY DESIRES YOUR LIFE WILL BE INTERESTING
IF YOU LIVE SIMPLY THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT
IGNORING ENEMIES IS THE BEST WAY TO FIGHT

ILLNESS IS A STATE OF MIND


IT IS HEROIC TO TRY TO STOP TIME

IT IS MAN'S FATE TO OUTSMART HIMSELF
IT'S BETTER TO BE A GOOD PERSON THAN A FAMOUS PERSON
IT'S BETTER TO BE LONELY THAN TO BE WITH INFERIOR PEOPLE

IT'S BETTER TO BE NAIVE THAN JADED

IT'S BETTER TO STUDY THE LIVING FACT THAN TO ANALYZE HISTORY
IT'S JUST AN ACCIDENT THAT YOUR PARENTS ARE YOUR PARENTS


LOOKING BACK IS THE FIRST SIGN OF AGING AND DECAY
OFTEN YOU SHOULD ACT LIKE YOU ARE SEXLESS
OLD FRIENDS ARE BETTER LEFT IN THE PAST



PAIN CAN BE A VERY POSITIVE THING



PEOPLE ARE NUTS IF THEY THINK THEY ARE IMPORTANT
PEOPLE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT THEY DO UNLESS THEY ARE INSANE
PEOPLE WHO DON'T WORK WITH THEIR HANDS ARE PARASITES
PEOPLE WHO GO CRAZY ARE TOO SENSITIVE
PEOPLE WON'T BEHAVE IF THEY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE


POTENTIAL COUNTS FOR NOTHING UNTIL IT'S REALIZED
PRIVATE PROPERTY CREATED CRIME
PUSH YOURSELF TO THE LIMIT AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE

RAISE BOYS AND GIRLS THE SAME WAY


RESOLUTIONS SERVE TO EASE OUR CONSCIENCE
REVOLUTION BEGINS WITH CHANGES IN THE INDIVIDUAL

ROMANTIC LOVE WAS INVENTED TO MANIPULATE WOMEN


SALVATION CAN'T BE BOUGHT AND SOLD
SELF-AWARENESS CAN BE CRIPPLING
SELF-CONTEMPT CAN DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD
SELFISHNESS IS THE MOST BASIC MOTIVATION
SELFLESSNESS IS THE HIGHEST ACHIEVEMENT
SEPARATISM IS THE WAY TO A NEW BEGINNING


SIN IS A MEANS OF SOCIAL CONTROL

SOLITUDE IS ENRICHING
STRONG EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT STEMS FROM BASIC INSECURITY
STUPID PEOPLE SHOULDN'T BREED

TALKING IS USED TO HIDE ONE'S INABILITY TO ACT
THE FAMILY IS LIVING ON BORROWED TIME
THE IDIOSYNCRATIC HAS LOST ITS AUTHORITY

THE MOST PROFOUND THINGS ARE INEXPRESSIBLE

THE MUNDANE IS TO BE CHERISHED
THE NEW IS NOTHING BUT A RESTATEMENT OF THE OLD
THE ONLY WAY TO BE PURE IS TO STAY BY YOURSELF
THE SUM OF YOUR ACTIONS DETERMINES WHAT YOU ARE

THE UNATTAINABLE IS INVARIABLE ATTRACTIVE


THERE'S NOTHING EXCEPT WHAT YOU SENSE
THINKING TOO MUCH CAN ONLY CAUSE PROBLEMS
TRUE FREEDOM IS FRIGHTFUL
UNIQUE THINGS MUST BE THE MOST VALUABLE
WHEN SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAPPENS PEOPLE WAKE UP
WISHING THINGS AWAY IS NOT EFFECTIVE
WITH PERSEVERANCE YOU CAN DISCOVER ANY TRUTH

WORDS TEND TO BE INADEQUATE

WORRYING CAN HELP YOU PREPARE
YOU ARE A VICTIM OF THE RULES YOU LIVE BY
YOU CAN'T FOOL OTHERS IF YOU'RE FOOLING YOURSELF


YOU MUST BE INTIMATE WITH A TOKEN FEW


YOU MUST KNOW WHERE YOU STOP AND THE WORLD BEGINS
YOUR ACTIONS AE POINTLESS IF NO ONE NOTICES
YOUR OLDEST FEARS ARE THE WORST ONES"

---JENNY HOLZER, Truisms (1978-1983)

s

All my life I've had my tongue curled
Sloshed spit in the grooves of my gums
Slight sounds of smooth circles
Are the ones i knew stood out
Woke others from their sleep
At least once I can remember
With a person from another life
though
Someone I've always seen in this one

Always a little over conscious of that sound
Or perhaps the way It bounces off my own drum
Sometimes I forget, I can
Speak with conviction
But mostly im whispered
Whined, and unwilling
To let you hear it
Wanting a write instead of a tongue
And only a note when we have to
Shrilled and vibratoed
I wish I never grew those bumps