reverence

perhaps i have been in some state reverie for some time. lacking in the tune of those who once marched to the same beat. my drones are present but perhaps they were alone in that room. perhaps they have only ever belonged to me.

i feel i betrayed him in many ways. despite his diffidence he has always held me the highest. i don't like to play the victim but perhaps i have seen too many films.
humility has found me again.

there is a way and as he says, i know i have to go away.
dreams mean so much and so little to me. i can't possibly explain. I see the way the leaves whistle and the sound the cardinal makes now has a face.
I pushed, i rub too hard
her nose must be so sore.
She's pawing around us during the nights again. Asking for something that I cannot give her. the tap water is something but it does not quench her thirst. She knows something I do not. I feel so helpless.
To love fully and truly we need to persevere. To nurture. To resolve conflicts and to learn to forgive and love again. Respect turns to reverence. I feel like that is when i can truly love.

how can i

Crippled, bent over
New gadgets, old faces
The tap still drips
And she is still here
Closer even
Secret talks of adventure
Urban legends on the screen
A new faceless friend
Replaces the other
(I've since seen her face)
It is too much he says
Anxiety is
The dizziness of freedom
I just found out and
I want him to feel
Something true
So much to give
Warm hearts
More brothers and sisters
Of the vine

He is back in my life again
Reminiscent of another time
Cycles of feeling
His mouth still sits the same way
And his delicate frame
Seems unchanged too
He seems taller
But it's doubtful he has grown
Children are growing
And w(Hal)ing
Things are looming
I couldn't put it better
Despite the plays
On words
I feel different
A break from the view
I am letting my ears
Do most of the work
These days
It might be the warmth
Or the smell of the trees
Or the way the sky looks
When it should be dark
Things have changed
Though the tap still drips
And I wonder how much water
Is wasted

twelve minutes remain
before this dies for good
world cup run arounds
living room move arounds
father in law
sort of
park jams
sort of
missing hat
(please come back)
i don't know why
i hurt so bad
little fluff balls of her existence
annoying now
i will miss them later
two weeks on a road
can this be
will this be
for real
neglecting other arts
for the greater good
dont consider myself much of anything
but something will have to do
must i commit to one
or may i have all
of them
i dont know
if i could ever choose
or if i'd even want to

and the day has broke

and the children come
oh god such pining
i have when i hear what comes
almost (not) enjoyably so
but so joyfully so
celebratory so
so gratefully so
teary eyed at times
ears quiver
but not since i first realized sound
has it felt so good
bewildered at certain enthusiasms
she wails so good
it feels so good