Arms and legs

I can't feel my arms either but
I can feel my organs
My kidneys they ached and
Asked my liver for a hand
My tongue; my deepest secrets
Holding on to words that have yet to be formed
The Wall between the cysts of my eyes
And the thoughts that seep through them
Soul-baring eye balls
I can't lie
I have never been good at it
But once in awhile
I catch myself trying to
Believe a half truth
I created myself
He misses me
And she is excited on the phone
How quickly they forget
Just how often we butt heads
I Was a little worried
That this was it
Lonely drones of my mind
Long for his beef;
Her whale
His loom
Today I thought
We would forget it is over
But he had things to do and
My body hasn't let me
Move just yet
She understands
She alway does
And I find myself admiring
New people every day
I had my cheeks turn red
Often last night
An old flame
Friends of the family
Seeing me' in real life is always
a shock
To them but they seem to like
What they see
It's funny to listen in
I just feel good she said
She makes it all right
She said
I just love being around
As if these comments aren't real
Until they are spoken to anyone
But me
It is strange to be flattered
for something I dont seek
everyone seems to
Want a piece and I still
Cannot figure out why
Just do it yourself
I always think and
Why would you want me on your wall?
I don't want you on mine but
I am flattered despite
No price ever fills the void

reverence

perhaps i have been in some state reverie for some time. lacking in the tune of those who once marched to the same beat. my drones are present but perhaps they were alone in that room. perhaps they have only ever belonged to me.

i feel i betrayed him in many ways. despite his diffidence he has always held me the highest. i don't like to play the victim but perhaps i have seen too many films.
humility has found me again.

there is a way and as he says, i know i have to go away.
dreams mean so much and so little to me. i can't possibly explain. I see the way the leaves whistle and the sound the cardinal makes now has a face.
I pushed, i rub too hard
her nose must be so sore.
She's pawing around us during the nights again. Asking for something that I cannot give her. the tap water is something but it does not quench her thirst. She knows something I do not. I feel so helpless.
To love fully and truly we need to persevere. To nurture. To resolve conflicts and to learn to forgive and love again. Respect turns to reverence. I feel like that is when i can truly love.

how can i

Crippled, bent over
New gadgets, old faces
The tap still drips
And she is still here
Closer even
Secret talks of adventure
Urban legends on the screen
A new faceless friend
Replaces the other
(I've since seen her face)
It is too much he says
Anxiety is
The dizziness of freedom
I just found out and
I want him to feel
Something true
So much to give
Warm hearts
More brothers and sisters
Of the vine

He is back in my life again
Reminiscent of another time
Cycles of feeling
His mouth still sits the same way
And his delicate frame
Seems unchanged too
He seems taller
But it's doubtful he has grown
Children are growing
And w(Hal)ing
Things are looming
I couldn't put it better
Despite the plays
On words
I feel different
A break from the view
I am letting my ears
Do most of the work
These days
It might be the warmth
Or the smell of the trees
Or the way the sky looks
When it should be dark
Things have changed
Though the tap still drips
And I wonder how much water
Is wasted

twelve minutes remain
before this dies for good
world cup run arounds
living room move arounds
father in law
sort of
park jams
sort of
missing hat
(please come back)
i don't know why
i hurt so bad
little fluff balls of her existence
annoying now
i will miss them later
two weeks on a road
can this be
will this be
for real
neglecting other arts
for the greater good
dont consider myself much of anything
but something will have to do
must i commit to one
or may i have all
of them
i dont know
if i could ever choose
or if i'd even want to

and the day has broke

and the children come
oh god such pining
i have when i hear what comes
almost (not) enjoyably so
but so joyfully so
celebratory so
so gratefully so
teary eyed at times
ears quiver
but not since i first realized sound
has it felt so good
bewildered at certain enthusiasms
she wails so good
it feels so good

this was my home

, originally uploaded by devon sioui.

why are we all so angry
with eachother and why
am i berated when i sweep it under
everything should be swept under
in my mind
especially in this parallel universe
where we all think we know each other so well
i've never pretended to know you well
but you've taken what you like about me
ignored the things you don't
shaped what you can
and appointed me
as your right wing
even when i think i am enjoying myself
i am worried about who i might be hurting
and if i am not hurting anyone
i will make believe i am
and i am amazed how anyone
would want to seek out any
more anguish
as if any more exists

no more sleeping for you
none yet for me
plugged ears ruffled movement
she laid down beside me, for once
words
words
words
stupid covers for stupid feelings
stupid blankets bunched
too small a bed for you & i
they'd be happy if they saw this.

i hate you when i feel this way
knowing you hate me too.

this always happens before we part.

you heard me;
you did not care.

now she's with you.

he sleeps
i sleep
she dreams of
samways
he sleeps
i sleep
but we don't sleep
together
she doesn't sleep
often
but her nights are productive
he sleeps steadily -8 hour nights-
his days are productive
i can be productive
a few hours at a time
but i can't if i must
do any
thing
but
think
about
being
productive

what is that called
what is it called
home
home?
home.
home.
home.
that word.
home.
home.
i am home.
not here,
but i am
home.
and i am
going
home
but i am home
and he is home
but without him is it
home
yes
i am home
only i am home
nice to meet you.