twelve minutes remain
before this dies for good
world cup run arounds
living room move arounds
father in law
sort of
park jams
sort of
missing hat
(please come back)
i don't know why
i hurt so bad
little fluff balls of her existence
annoying now
i will miss them later
two weeks on a road
can this be
will this be
for real
neglecting other arts
for the greater good
dont consider myself much of anything
but something will have to do
must i commit to one
or may i have all
of them
i dont know
if i could ever choose
or if i'd even want to

and the day has broke

and the children come
oh god such pining
i have when i hear what comes
almost (not) enjoyably so
but so joyfully so
celebratory so
so gratefully so
teary eyed at times
ears quiver
but not since i first realized sound
has it felt so good
bewildered at certain enthusiasms
she wails so good
it feels so good

this was my home

, originally uploaded by devon sioui.

why are we all so angry
with eachother and why
am i berated when i sweep it under
everything should be swept under
in my mind
especially in this parallel universe
where we all think we know each other so well
i've never pretended to know you well
but you've taken what you like about me
ignored the things you don't
shaped what you can
and appointed me
as your right wing
even when i think i am enjoying myself
i am worried about who i might be hurting
and if i am not hurting anyone
i will make believe i am
and i am amazed how anyone
would want to seek out any
more anguish
as if any more exists

no more sleeping for you
none yet for me
plugged ears ruffled movement
she laid down beside me, for once
words
words
words
stupid covers for stupid feelings
stupid blankets bunched
too small a bed for you & i
they'd be happy if they saw this.

i hate you when i feel this way
knowing you hate me too.

this always happens before we part.

you heard me;
you did not care.

now she's with you.

he sleeps
i sleep
she dreams of
samways
he sleeps
i sleep
but we don't sleep
together
she doesn't sleep
often
but her nights are productive
he sleeps steadily -8 hour nights-
his days are productive
i can be productive
a few hours at a time
but i can't if i must
do any
thing
but
think
about
being
productive

what is that called
what is it called
home
home?
home.
home.
home.
that word.
home.
home.
i am home.
not here,
but i am
home.
and i am
going
home
but i am home
and he is home
but without him is it
home
yes
i am home
only i am home
nice to meet you.

i have no words but cats'
so theres no point
really

i really wish
we could be better
be the one next to him
the one i go to without
thought
without worry
with unannounced beauty
of our bind
i had that once
but it was always there
she's gone now too
and doesn't remember
being here
(i don't really remember it either).
i really wish
i could be better
at keeping ties
nurturing your hand
your heart
i know i only do it
when i'm looking
for something too.
i really wish
we could just be here
now
not tomorrow
or then
but now
then again
maybe we are

april 5

things have been good
for me
like stars are aligning
i wonder if its from
the result of
any good doings or if it
means i'm in for some
bad
depending on the day
i guess
its one or the other
today is her day
as it has been
for the last 77 years
its time for the ode
(to LA) and
i wonder if he thinks of her
or if it hurts too much
it hurts me too much
to say her name
often
and i knew her
the least