5:47 PM

A+J

Thoughts be circled and only occasionally viewed
Like those lights we were supposed to see
Yesterday and the day before

(and like the forgotten words
I didn't try and look up
To see if they were even there

at all)

they were

And words only work sometimes
Like the overwhelming heat
That bounds you in summer months
An the way it can feel cold

if only for a moment
The winter cool warmed by
Small sporadic
Convulsions
Unsure if that feeling is all
Body or
All mind

but it is at least

survival

i find myself often wondering

if burning would feel like

freezing

even for a second

like that smoky

liquid nitrogen and its

glacial burn

i am glad my flesh knows how it feels to be blistered

by that scorching cold

And how I can feel so strongly
For some people
So in love
So wanting to embrace and
I do
I find my way
Most of the time and
It only hurts when I think about
What I am missing
Like the way Antony used to rip
Out my insides
Painful embrace of
Mourning with each
Single vibrato
Each string
Plucked
Now
I am finding it reminds me of
The painful uncertainty
I had and the longing of newness
I had missed

and hearing it is nearly

bearable

its almost

even enjoyable
Hurts pleasantly
This time

regrown limbs

(uncrippled)

like a starfish

'And hold on
Hold on
Let go
Let go
Let the virus live alive
And fall deeper
Even than love'

and even just now

i am reminded of the coming and going

of such things

and how they are so alike

every moment in my time

like just now

how i look up once

only to find i am five blocks further

than where i'd intended

on going