c.

i thought today

what is today? two years since

this

no

a year since

that

no

glanced at the newspaper over my shoulder

looking for clues

only to find that

the president likes to use the occasional diet cleanse

and that

an off duty officer

shot a playing dog

for some reason

unknown

this week was also the same week i felt the need

to read

and tremble

and shiver

and grow

bumps

for the first time

(in awhile)

i felt it

i felt her

and she felt me

or maybe i was right in thinking she feels nothing

but my absence

i would be ok with that

i know when i am lacking

and i have been lacking

with her

for sometime

and the truth is

or at least could be

that i have been so jaded by new beginnings

excited by unusual opportunities

and she is so good at detaching herself

(i think even she would be jealous)

isolation and loosened ties of the things

she only wishes she could

leave behind

i just can't

keep up

sometimes

but i am always reading

always feeling

and then

i remembered

or rather, she reminded me

in passing

(thank you)

and here i am again

on this island

with her

and her (i need to see you very soon)

and her

and him

(and him.

of course him.

that is the reason we were all there

after all)

with her tears and her tan

and her tears for her

and his sounds

and her sounds

(pining for his)

and the lake

and the line of those attached

the ship in the fog

and those leaves

and their one entity

bound together like the hands

saying

here i am!

and how i felt

in the sand dancing and the freedom

and how she must have felt

because i felt

no sense of time

and there was

some eternal greatness that i hope

i get to feel again

someday

among grass and green

and blue

i knew i'd always remember that day

and i do

think of it often

so many half finished

objects of admiration

meant from the best place

that i have

i have so many apologies

but she understands

she gets me in a way

i don't get myself

i am not sure if she even realizes this

i hope the years get easier

softer

milder

growing in celebration

like how i am sure that tree looks now

still crooked and bent

but fuller with

life

and

colour

and

strength

happy birthday, c.

(i look to you for the strength that is

occasionally

lost)