the rain

You probably don't like rhubarb. I wouldn't blame you. It took me years to try it, but even still. No one really believes me when I tell them I'm not the biggest fan of pie.

Do you remember our first moment? I remember the first time I realized I was sitting with you to be with you, instead of not being alone. I remember the first time we were alone together, I faked a phone call while you were in the washroom so I could leave. Not because I wanted to leave, but because I knew I had to eventually and wasn't sure how to go about it.

I knew that with me came a lot of history, and you knew that too. But i reassured you in ways that I couldn't reassure myself. I'm good at that, you know. I can play a part perfectly. I still do.

I remember walking back from the store in the pouring rain, not one of us thought to run. I never run in the rain, always taking it as a moment to daydream and fantasize of the romanticism in the falling water. You were never much of a runner, so it didn't surprise me when we continued to walk slowly, hand in hand. I was leaving, my car parked out front, we said goodbye. You held me and your knuckles pressed into my back, gripping to hold on as they always did. Quick motions with your hands, trying to engulf me. You've held me like that since, though not often, and when you do I am reminded that you still know me. As if to tell me that you do, that I still know you. You were the first to know me. it seemed at the time rehashing anything about it would take away its realness. As if we were stuck in some passionate kiss, water seeping into our mouths. We just stood, soaked and held. I remember thinking that moment couldn't possibly become more romantic, and then I heard your words before you said them. "Devon...?"

What followed were the shaky, barely audible words i'd longed to hear, but already knew. I knew from the first night I could have you, which is why I think it took me so long to let you have me. In retrospect, it wasn't long at all. I didn't even really hear you say them but I knew what they were so I never asked you to repeat yourself. We were standing in a movie and in that moment I truly believed some sad soul with a lot of money must have felt the same thing at one time. That those moments we grow up seeing are actually based on reality. Based on us.

I remember feeling lucky. I still feel lucky. I know that will forever be my only moment in the rain.