this time

I wake up often in the night now
Something has changed
I cannot sleep as soundly as I used to
Or maybe it's simply
Little kidney shrinking further
I woke the morning after
Throbbing skull; dry tongue
We are not so different I thought
To the little girl sleeping on his pillow
I felt different all morning
Robotic movements though
I could feel every inch of me
We seemed so calm
So easy, so perfect for each other
I like moments like these
Walked to the store
Felt stripped of something
I remembered the stiff metal
Chipped with stories
She presented it in a way
That was so like I imagined
I remember long ago
Thinking of these gifts. Thinking
That I would be the recipient of such
Treasure someday
I wore it always
She was on my wrist
And in my back pocket
that night
I never told her
I guess I just thought she'd know
She knows now, anyway
I am trying to not think
Too much about waking that morning
With naked wrists
Though I feel it will find me
again
Funny to be so confident
Losing things seem to be
Something I am best at
Perhaps this is different
Perhaps it lost me
This time