perhaps i have been in some state reverie for some time. lacking in the tune of those who once marched to the same beat. my drones are present but perhaps they were alone in that room. perhaps they have only ever belonged to me.
i feel i betrayed him in many ways. despite his diffidence he has always held me the highest. i don't like to play the victim but perhaps i have seen too many films.
humility has found me again.
there is a way and as he says, i know i have to go away.
dreams mean so much and so little to me. i can't possibly explain. I see the way the leaves whistle and the sound the cardinal makes now has a face.
I pushed, i rub too hard
her nose must be so sore.
She's pawing around us during the nights again. Asking for something that I cannot give her. the tap water is something but it does not quench her thirst. She knows something I do not. I feel so helpless.
To love fully and truly we need to persevere. To nurture. To resolve conflicts and to learn to forgive and love again. Respect turns to reverence. I feel like that is when i can truly love.
i come here often though i never really tell or write because it is the dearest kind of escape.. the kind that always gives me glass eyes not just for moments but days.
ReplyDeleteyou are such a profound spirit, writer, artist... i admire you.
i hold your words sort of like the wishing well in 'spirit of the beehive'
(which i still need to lend you... even more so now)
i watched her this morning and saw your eyes in ana's,
mine were there too.. i felt you..
at that moment i heard a crash...
... of all records to fall out of place, scout came
tumbling down
face first, i picked her
up and she looked
at me with those eyes of ana's,
those eyes of yours
those eyes of
mine...
i have been thinking of you on my spiral inwards
and i will say this in the gentleness whisper that only you will hear:
(i can and will always hear you
in that room
beyond that room
always.
indefinitely.
no matter...
what)
my arms feel foreign
my cheeks long to smile
with yours