it felt so foreign; so other-worldly. the past 48 hours i have been lost in time. I've done a bit of waiting, but it hasn't felt like waiting. And when the hours passed, it didn't worry me. I slept, through the same movie, twice; right after the first. Relived the same moment. Waking up every twenty minutes to a painful swallow, or to feel her shift around at my knees. I finally went to bed and he entered the room to my painful moan. I got up and showered, as if to start the day at five am. We talked and touched; and I remember some laughter.
Today was much of the same. I feel my limbs moving involuntarily. It still hurts to swallow and feels like I am still disabled from the copious amount of gin I drank 48 hours ago. My head is winding back slowly as I write, the TV playing countless movies that I listened to in my sleep. It still feels so foreign, so different. I can't imagine leaving this world. but know i have to. and will tomorrow.
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